Still Trying

If you read the last post prior to the gap in time here - some three years ago - you'll see that I was trying everything, like anything, to get in better shape. Needless to say, I've still been spinning my wheels. And it's not working.

Up until about 10 years ago, I was fine. I never thought I was fine, but I was. I weighed about 115 at about 5' tall. I had muscles. I could DO things - lift, rope climb, play sports. I could wear a damn bathing suit and feel OK about it. But I always wanted to be better. Lose that 5 pounds. Be stronger and leaner.

Around 2009, I don't know what happened, but I got depressed and tired - and stressed at a job I HATED. I tried some things - diet and exercise things - that didn't work, and, with all that, I gained about 10 pounds.

So, once I really got my head back in the game, I had 10 MORE pounds to lose (on top of the 5 I've always and forever been trying to lose). And I'm still trying. I'm older and that matters. And I feel like I look old. My fat is flabby and cellulite-y, my arms have no definition, I've lost muscle. I'm still not horrible, but it's not what I want. My face is saggy. (More on my body image later, eh?)

So I am trying to do this living a normal life as a lawyer and wife (I don't even have kids - I can't imagine!). And living a normal life doesn't always lend itself to the type of day described on a lot of fitness and health blogs -- drinking hot lemon water and journaling and doing yoga before work and then writing for 3 hours (seriously, how do they make money?) and taking my dog for a walk on the beach every day at sunset. No. It's more like, let's try to fit in a workout somewhere during most days, try to look like I got a little sleep last night, and spend all day Saturday cooking so I can have a halfway healthy meal in between my work meetings and then maybe get an hour of downtime to watch Game of Thrones after I get home.

I'm just trying to do some Real Life Fitness. It's hard, but I keep trying, even if it's not working! Two steps forward and some steps back every day.

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